So what had happened was...
One beautiful, sunny Saturday, I was in the one place I really didn't want to be: my office. My exciting reason to be there was...
Dude, this is going to take forever. Let me make this a little easier and attempt to make a really long story short (if you've listened to a single one of our episodes, you will know that this may not be possible for me). But anyway, sit back, tuck in, grab some ice cream (really, it's okay), and get ready to be overwhelmed with my storytelling prowess and artistic talents! Or, you know, the story of Rotten Romance. With pictures.
Once upon a time I was stuck in a place I didn't want to be. I jumped onto the chat with my girlfriends that we have been filling full of the most random conversations known to man for the last year or so, and decided that my time would be way more fun if we were to talk about the romance novels I'd been turning to as brain stress release at the end of the day. Apparently, I was not the only one with the not-so-guilty pleasure in reading romance novels and the discussion was super amusing. We, of course, acknowledged that we are fucking hilarious and all of our friends and a ton of strangers should totally listen to us talk about romance novels (and basically anything vaguely related).
"Whaaaaat?" you may ask, "Romance novels? Amongst friends? Please go on."
Don't mind if I do.
My name is Phoebe. You may know me as "500K Vajay" (well, if you listened to Rotten Romance: Episode 6 you may). I work in gynecology. I like to pontificate on the meaning of life (or, let's be honest, all the crazy stuff I find while reading romance novels) and draw some really low-budget cartoons of me and my friends. You'll probably find out shortly that I couldn't pick a book/movie that my friends would enjoy to save my life, I have a hard time taking pretty much anything seriously, and it is really difficult for me to shut up. This leads to a, should I say, RUSSIAN roulette when it comes to my choices. (Okay really, I still find the Russian jokes amusing). I regret no book!
"Really, don't we all prefer old caulk?" - Phoebe
The group chat I had turned to that fateful Saturday is with three amazing women: Celina, Nichelle, and Somisawhel. We talk about pretty much everything. It's a little impressive that we haven't gotten bored of each other yet. While I can't say this chat has "saved" any of our relationships, I can say that, at the very least, our significant others have probably been spared a lot of emotional regurgitation because of this chat. If I'm honest, I don't think any of our menfolk mind that they do not have to listen to us decide if we want to paint our toenails mustard yellow or the only reasonable color to paint a toenail, red.
"I would recommend a group chat of friends for any man's significant other out there." - all significant others of the Raunties.
Celina is all about the accounting. Explaining what she does is practically a porno waiting to happen.
"Hi, this is my friend Celina. She is the sweetest person in the world, totally wants to see the best in everyone! She also wears these hot glasses and talks about tax preparation. She looked over your paperwork and is asking if you were a bad, bad boy with your claimed income."
In all seriousness, I call her the hope for the human race. You won't find someone with a bigger heart who is more willing to go without so someone else feels loved. I mean, you may not actually notice those qualities because she's too busy jumping someone's car with the battery pack she brought in SOMEONE ELSE'S CAR on the road trip we were all on, or pointing a gun at some unlucky motorist pulled over in the same truck stop as her, but deep down in there, she's really sweet. I promise.
(I have no idea why she hangs out with us).
Nichelle, dubious holder of the title of our long-suffering cat-herder, works in finance and is often juggling numbers with more zeroes than I care to acknowledge. Unlike those of us who suffer from ADOS (Attention-Deficit-Oooh-Shiny), Nichelle is able to see the big picture and how to get from point A to point J (without going down every wrong road on the way and turning around seventeen times). When it comes to interacting with the rest of us, she is an olympic medalist in constantly redirecting the hamster wheel. And forcing us to read books with shit like grammar. And good plots. WITH NO MAFIA!!! On top of all of that, she also knows how to cook. Now that I've written all of that out, if our friendship wasn't creeping past the decade mark, I would be sure to hate her a little bit. I'm going to ugly draw you so hard, Nikki.
"That's it, this time I really fucking quit!" - Nikki
And that's pretty much it! Oh... shit... Sorry Somisawhel. *Kissy Noise*
Somisawhel works in the immersive entertainment industry (?). She is not an exotic dancer. Or a sex worker. So she says...
Truthfully, I think she would consider taking a turn at the pole (hur hur hur) if it meant she didn't have to read another single book that I picked. Our resident feminist, she is constantly beating her head against the wall trying to figure out how I can read the trash I force upon her every five weeks. I wish I could say I were sorry?
When she's not busy indiscriminately shooting side-eye at everyone who comes near her, she can be found under a pile of pugs hiding with her husband and baby. In the middle of nowhere. Where you can't find her. Ever.
"I mean, what the fuck is wrong with this woman? Who drinks that much fucking mango iced tea?!?!" - Somisawhel
So anyway, where was I? After the fateful day that the four of us ended up fucking around with each other about romance novels, we have recorded a ton of episodes. Some better than others. (Of course, we're always amusing). Now that we are hitting it "big time" (more than just our parents are listening), I have been given the great responsibility of documenting our journey.
I'm not sure what those bitches were thinking, but oh well, here we are. Tune in next time for more "Spending Time With the 500K Vajay." Or, "Rotten Raunties Uncut!" Or something witty that I'll come up with later.
Until next time! *Kissy Noises*