It's all about the breast(s)

Today's book quotes that I'm going to bring up is by a great storyteller named Katerina Winters. I don't think I would go as far as 'great author', but she spins a decent plot. I just read several of her books and she tells a captivating (if probably controversial) story, but the editing is so bad it's difficult to follow. Like, wrong tenses, using the completely wrong homonyms, and a ton of other super distracting shit. I have some great mafia story illustrations of this, but the book I read last took the cake and I had to share, if only for my busty friends who need a laugh.


In her book Desperate: An Enemies to Lovers Romance, Katerina introduced us to Salene (her spelling, not mine), who had a 'D' cup and it made her uncomfortable. The story was actually reasonable (no mob, just a woman who was down on her luck who was helped out by the least-likely hero). It was a love story that happened amongst some real issues about losing jobs, homes, and having to start over by picking up the pieces of what's left. It also had a good conversation about one of my favorite topics: Boobs.


Throughout the book, poor Salene was plagued by people being obsessed with the size of her breasts. If I just left it like that, it sounds totally reasonable. The problem is, I couldn't quite tell if she was uncomfortable from the size of two boobs, or if she just had one fucking boob and it was a 'D'. Poor Katerina went back and forth between singular and plural so many times I thought I would die laughing.


  • Here our heroine is considering reducing two breasts, but will only have one after:

  • Here the author may be able to get away with it if we're talking about like a 'Robin Red-Breast' or some shit, or maybe the manager is just staring at one of her boobs:

  • Here, hunky Gabriel is sympathizing with her about the sad reality of bigger boobs, but I am really concerned that she has a uniboob.

  • Argh! This one really did me in and I stopped taking screenshots of the fucking breast/breasts issue.

Where Katerina really went sideways was trying to discuss a woman's struggles leading up to, during, and after a breast reduction. She really could have done even some minor research and been able to offer many women with this struggle a heroine they could relate to and cheer for. But it doesn't seem like she did even the most minor research on the (sometimes difficult) recovery of that procedure.


I'm fairly certain many, MANY of our listeners either greatly desire, or have obtained this divine solution for the back, shoulder, self-esteem, clothing, and any other issues that come along with having ginormous boobs. As I have many friends in the upwards of an 'H' cup, I feel they may find this entire thing offensive rather than empowering. I am curious to hear what they have to say about this appointment two weeks after her surgery. This:


is not a reality. There are many reasons why and, as your resident girl business commentator, I have composed a list:

#1) A 'D' cup can definitely be unwieldy, but going down one cup size? Are you kidding? I don't want to say that this isn't done, but I don't know many 'D' cups that are offered reductions without really fighting for them. The women I know who were offered were very petite (closer to 5' than 5'5") and going down one cup size would not have done a damn thing for them.

#2) At two weeks post-op, those babies look like the most disgusting fucking thing you've ever seen. You may have the drains out, but there could be a hole in your incisions, red streaking, oozing, and quite frankly, the bruising alone is disgusting. Think about your surgeon taking a meat tenderizer to the inside of your tits and then sewing them back up. The bruising is almost unfathomable if you haven't seen it before.

#3) If, by some chance, you manage to not have any of the really gross healing signs from a breast reduction, those scars are RED. And an ANGRY red at that. A 'subtle (insert a fucking comma) pinkish anchor (hyphen) like scar' is not going to happen for months if not years. That tissue was just cut open, manipulated around, cut out, and then sewn back up. That trauma alone takes days just to get the swelling down, let alone start stitching the sides of the incision back together.


All-in-all, I'm digging most of Katerina's stories, but I would really like it if I could talk her into letting me do a run-through of her books before she publishes so I can at least pick up the most egregious of these errors. I'll give these books a 2-Heave approval.



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